Slow Yet Steady

The number for the week is 285 down 5 pounds from last week. Whooooo Hoooooo mashaAllah. I have also been a bit more moderate with my eating as well and even though my days of having 5 - 10 pound weekly loses may be gone I am happy to see the pounds are still diminishing. I am still steady with my exercise and water drinking, I try to take my thyroid medicine on a regular basis, I make sure that I drink PLENTY of water, and other than that I try to cut out as much stuff that I can but I allow myself one day a week to eat liberally but in moderation of course. I pray that all my fellow bloggers are doing well its been quiet around here lately.
take care

Trying to get there

Today I weighed in at 287 pounds and I am very happy about that but sort of in a yucky mood about some other things, a dear sister of mine is going through a really rough patch in her life and I really feel bad for her because it could happen to any of us, so my prayers are with her and any other sisters that may be going through a rough time in their relationships. Men can be so dumb sometimes, but we feel so lost without them. Is this payback for Eve and that darn apple..... Anyway I really don't feel like typing much maybe I will add some more again later during the week. I never posted about what the doctor told me so I will try and stop in and do that before my next weigh in when I am in a better mood.

Why does being happy have to be so hard?????
see you later

So hard to get back on track!!!!!

Today is the day that I decided enough was enough and we are half way through the day and so far so good. Why is it so hard to get back on track??? I was doing so good for so long and now it seems like it was harder to get motivated again. I actually found myself saying that I didn't care anymore, I will just be fat forever, but I know that's not what I want. I watched the biggest loser last night and I saw Matt win ( we are a few seasons behind here on middle east TV channels)I searched online and read that Matt and Suzy actually got married and had a child together ..how cute, match made in reality TV heaven LOL. Anyway back to be. I weighed in this morning 2 pounds heavier now at 291, only 9 pounds away from the place I vowed that I never wanted to see again. This is the turning point for me( I don't know how many times I said this) but I really WANT to mean it this time. I want to be less than 200 pounds and I know eating whatever I want isn't going to get me here, I want to lose 50 more pounds before the end of the summer, I want to feel good about myself, I want to look in the mirror and not be totally disgusted by what I see. I want to be a health fit fun mom , and be able to run around in the yard and play with my children. I want to be a hot sexy wife that can go in any store and buy a nice outfit and be able to find my size without searching for a store that has FAT people clothes, is this too much to ask for??? Am I being unreal??? Is this ever going to be my reality, I thought that I had crossed these hurdles in my mind before, how in the world did I get back here??? Well I cant look back, I have to move forward and I have to keep working, I cant give up. I am not a loser and I know I have the will in me to do this, I just need to ask God to give me more strength, I have to look at myself and figure out where I am going wrong, what am I doing to make this reality that I long for so difficult to achieve. I suppose I need to do some soul searching and get myself spiritually right so that the physical part will fall in sync, I don't know, I am willing to try anything. One thing I know for sure I want to see the scale move the other way and I don't want to have to starve myself to get there.
HERE's TO HOPE!!!!!!!

BUSY BUSY BUSY Week!!!

Well mom is gone ( sniff sniff sniff), the kids have been royally spoiled and so did my eating habits , but this is a lifestyle change so when she left last night so did the little 9 day splurge and today its back to business. I have to un-spoil my children, as well as my stomach, I drank a lot of water to help my body flush out all the bagels and pastries and goodies that I indulged in while she was here. I must admit however that although I did sample A LOT I really didn't over do it and I maintained a constant level of activity and exercise so I am very proud to say that I am still 289 pounds, and what a relief, I just knew I was going to have to fight off sow extra pounds that I would pick up while she was here but that never happened Alhamdulillah ( All praise due to God).
I did go ahead and get my lab work done and not surprisingly my thyroid is WAY out of control, for anyone familiar with thyroid disorders my lab work was the following:
TSH 30.17 , T3 0.35 , T4 27.15 so I am hypothyroid for sure, the problem is finding a good doctor, my hubby thinks that I should just take the medicine for a while and then re do my lab work but I read up online and you can really mess your heart up when your thyroid is out of control and I really don't want to fool around on my own with how much medicine I should take. What do you think??? I know he means well but I let him talk me out of going to my regular dentist and now its cost me a tooth. Living outside of the US there are some things you just don't do and going to a doctor or dentist that someone you know didn't refer you to can be very costly and dangerous. Its so much easier to go to the labs pay and get the tests you need and then buy the medicine for it at any local pharmacy, you really can become your own doctor if you know what your doing but you can also make yourself very sick if you don't. Well I am going to try and find a doctor and at least hear what they have to say, it cant hurt anything and if they are just totally off the rocker then I will consider my own course of action starting with a low dose of my old meds and slowly increasing every 2-4 weeks until my lab work is back to normal at least that was the protocol that I found online. I think the whole reason why I am back here again is because before when I was taking my medicine regularly my old OB doctor tested me and when she found my levels were normal she told me to stop taking the medicine, something I probably should have ignored, Oh well....you live and you learn. I am hoping that my return to my lifestyle change, my walking, and now taking my thyroid medicine will get my weight moving in the right direction once again. I shall keep you posted.
Take care and hang in there......we can do it

No Pain No Gain

Well this is going to be really really short because my mom is here for the week and I have been extremly busy. I have been walking and jogging a mile everyday on my treadmill and doing a little bit of aerobics with my dumb-bells. I eat samples of all my favorite food that she brought me ( still not eating any meat though) and the scale has not budged. Even though in the past the scale not moving would have spiraled me into a downhill depression I am ok because I think I am losing inches, for the first time in a LONG LONG LONG time I was walking and my legs were not rubbing eachother and my legs actually felt good, I know it sounds weird I cant really explain how but it just felt like I was in somebody elses legs, lol. My mom seems to be impressed with the progress that I made since her last visit and my sweet hubby has been telling me lots of encouraging words, so I am going to enjoy small portions of my favorite food stuffs and keep up the work outs. MAybe next week I will lose a pound or two but if I dont its no big deal I know I am eating good and I am excercising so even if its only my heart getting healthy I think its well worth it, I can go back into strict food choices next week when my mom is gone, but this is helping me realize that once I reach my target weight goal I really can return to eating what I want as long as I control my portions and continue to excercise, I am just elated that I am not gaining any weight so over all its been a very good week, and best of all my mom is here and we are having a great time. ok gotta run.
take care

Sorry I am late....

Well I am a day late. No real reason except I wasn't in a hurry to post a big fat NOTHING. I am still 289 stinky pounds. I think I am taking it much better this time. I realize this is probably just my body's way of retaliation for my 10 pound one week loss..go figure. We have a "home gym" now so I have been walking on the treadmill at least a mile everyday and still trying to do some aerobic here and there and still doing my normal cleaning routine ( I did cut back on the cleaning a bit). I am not sure what exactly my problem is I am taking my vitamins, taking my iron pills, but I am just exhausted all the time, I think this may be my thyroid problem rearing its VERY UGLY head so I am going to try and get to the doctor this week and get some lab work done to try and get to the bottom of why I am feeling this slum. Its very frustrating when you have so many things that you want to do but physically you just cant seem to get it done. On top of everything else my period should be here in a few days so of course my hormones are all of whack I want to eat everything in sight. I really feel like this battle is so unfair at times. I am not a monster eating everything in sight, why cant I just eat like a normal person and exercise and lose weight, why is it such a struggle, why do I have to love food so much, why is it so hard to just lose this darn weight??? I am in no way giving up but I just feel at times that its hopeless. Will I be fat forever?? Is being under 200 pounds just not within reason for me?? Am I setting myself up for failure?? Should I just change my thinking and accept this fat body as my reality??? Well don't look for any miracles from me for the next two weeks, my mom will be here in a few days God-willing, and although I am soooo happy she is coming to see us and I miss her so much and I am looking forward to her visit, eating is a big part of her visits here, she always brings all the NY, American and the Guyanese favorites and I know I will over indulge because its foods that I have not had access to in the 4 years that we have been outside of America. So needless to say my chances for any loss is zero to none. Should I even bother weighing myself in the next two weeks. I will be devastated if I go back over 300 pounds but I know that I probably wont be losing anything at all. WHAT SHOULD I DO??? My mom is over weight as well and we could probably both do without all the goodies that she is bringing, I don't want to make her visit rough by restricting food, cause i know that will just make the both of us super cranky and I don't want our visit to be stressful, I don't know when she will get to come back again. Well I promise to keep blogging but as far as getting on the scale , we will just have to see about that one.

Is this what starvation feels like???????

So pleased with Mondays weigh in I convinced myself that I could live on an apple, an orange, a cucumber and a carrot and 5 liters of water a day......Needless to say I feel like ___________. you can fill in the blank. I think this is what starvation feels like. I cant focus on anything, when I bend over to pray I feel like I am going to collapse. I have a constant headache, I feel like I will throw up at any second, I feel like I was in a car wreck and I am catching the flu all at the same time. This isn't how I want to lose weight. I dint even have the energy to get my housework done and I certainly haven't done any exercise in the past 2 days. THIS ISN'T WORKING!!!! sooooo back to what was working for me 2 weeks ago I was having a yogurt for breakfast and sometimes a piece of fruit, then an apple or some other fruit or a cucumber for lunch, then a huge salad with this crunchy fried flat bread as a topping and olive oil and lemon dressing( they call this fatoush here in UAE) then as a snack in the evening I would have some bran cereal or a weight watchers snack or a piece of fruit or a small piece of dessert if I baked cake or something like that. Along with drinking my water this diet gave me lots of energy to exercise everyday and I was losing 4-5 pounds a week, i felt good unlike whats happening to me right now, so I ordered a fatoush( salad) and I am going to eat that tonight and some bran cereal and tomorrow I will go buy my yogurts and I am going back to what was working for me before I lost my mind. Please don't try what I did this past week and a half it was dumb and desperate and yes I lost 10 pounds but I am feeling horrible now and there is no way I could keep this up. Tomorrow is pizza day for the kids I am going to have my normal Thursday pizza treat and then back to my routine, See you on Monday when we see how this all ends up.
Its not ALL hopeless!!!!

Back On Track

Today was the big day, I knew I would be happy with the results I just wasn't sure how happy. This week I didn't order any take out salads at all and I only ate half of the pizza that I normally eat, no sweets , no rice crispy treats and I made the pizza dough with whole wheat flour and I made the pizza sauce from scratch as well, and it paid off........10 POUNDS IN ONE WEEK!!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOO, of course I felt the need to celebrate and I had a very small bowl of the food that I cooked for my family tonight, beef and broccoli, one of my favorites, and I could have kicked myself after, as a punishment I wont be having any pizza this Thursday [maybe], I don't even know if I am going to cook pizza for them because it will be very hard for me to cook it and not eat at least a slice. GRHHHHHH!!!!! So now I am 289 pounds. I am very excited but in the back of my mind there is an evil voice whispering to me saying "what the heck are you all happy about you weighed less than that when you got pregnant with Ameera( she is my 6 month old)....so although I have really accomplished ALOT in the last few months I only lost the weight that I put on in the last year, I have to reverse the weight back to 1993, LOL. WILL I EVER GET THERE????? Time is not on my side, every time dh and I do the baby dance (wink wink) there is a chance that I will be headed for 9 months of weight gain. Ironically the more weight I lose the more my libido is going through the roof, I have to restrain....OOOOKKKKK don't want to turn this into an "XXX" blog, I think you get the picture. Well I had my celebration dinner tonight, back on track and back to the rabbit food for me, or else I will be crying and moping if the scale disappoints me next week. I am also trying to tell myself often that 10 pounds in one week is probably because the week before the scale didn't budge at all so DO NOT be disappointed if I never have a 10 pound loss week again, those were not my typical results. I will be more than happy to see my normal 5 pound loss.

SPECIAL THANK YOU !!!!! to my fellow blogger "living life...." you really encouraged me last week when I was feeling down in the dumps about having a bad week, thanks for being there for me, I pray that I can be there for you as well. Don't feel bad about the cookies just punish yourself to an extra session on your machine to burn up some of the calories........I probably shouldn't be telling you this but we have a crispy cream doughnuts here in UAE now ...great just what I need another temptation, good thing its not close to my house smiles)I hear they are only 200 calories each maybe you and I can go find it together and eat a few then fast and excercise for the rest of the day to celebrate .LOL just kidding

Really Bad Week!!!

I am not really in much of a typing mood but I said I wanted to be dedicated to my blog, and my weight loss journey, the good the bad and the ugly of it all. So here goes, this week I am still 299 not a pound more nor a pound less, I can blame PMS but the PMS didn't put a gun to my head and force me to eat rice crispy treats 3 nights last week, and pizza 2 nights last week, so the only one I can blame for the numbers on the scale this week is me. I really dreaded getting on that scale this morning, and I checked all day to see if it would go down if only by 1 pound.........but nope ....its still exactly the same. Well this is sure a motivation for me I pray I never have another week like this again, you can be sure that next month when my period comes my kids wont be having any sweets for that week, at least not by my hands, and I will be sure that my cabinets are PMS-proof and there is nothing that will be in here to tempt me. Who knew that your period could make you feel so weak, normally I can talk myself out of eating just about anything, but this past week it seems like I was talking myself into eating and not exercising.......lesson learned, Until next week, I will be praying that the scale has better news for me next Monday and working my tail off a bit harder.
cant go back and make last week better,but here's to moving fwd.
take care

Can I change the title of my blog

Well better yet I think I will keep it there as a constant reminder of the place I was and a constant prayer that I NEVER get back there again. This morning it felt soooooo good to step on the scale and know that I made it back into the 200's (barely). My weight as of this morning is now 299, I worked really hard last week I wanted to be under 300 today and with the help of Allah I made it there. BUT......PMS is kicking in and last night I ate one too many rice crispy treats that I made for my family, and tonight instead of my normal apple and carrots my family wanted banana pudding, I did good though , rather than indulge in the hearty bowls that they all ate, I had about 1/4 of a banana, about 6-8 small cookies and 4 spoons of pudding, even though this wasn't much at all and probably only amounted to a few hundred calories I feel horrible that I caved. I know we all have bad days but I felt so weak, my period is due any day now so I think its the hormones because my sweet cravings are horrible but I am fighting it off every second. I feel like I slipped but I am going to give myself a stern look in the mirror in my undies I think that will help me get it back in gear. To try and counter the rice crispy treats yesterday I jumped a bit of rope before I went to bed I think I will do the same tonight and then workout a little harder tomorrow, it just seems like when this time of the month comes around my energy just plumits, but I cant let myself slip again, 2 nights of weakness was enough time to get back on track. I will try and update again this week before the big weigh in on Monday if I can. May God be with you all that are going thru this as I am. It feels so bad to slip but I know whats more important is that I get back on the ball. I must say this is the longest that I have stuck it out with one diet.. better yet this is a life change for me , not just a diet so I want to make this for keeps.

take care

The numbers are looking good!!!

AlLAHU AKBAR!!!! Today was the weigh in and I am now 305 pounds mashaAllah. It feels so good to see that number small. I am praying that by next week I can say goodbye to the 300 zone FOREVER!!!!! This was a pretty easy week, no big changes I eat my large meal about 3 everyday which is a large salad( fatoush they call it here) and for breakfast I have been having this new Activa yogurt they say give it 14 days and it will make your digestive system regular( I have trouble with constipation...sorry to mention it) I have been taking it for 5 days now, its very expensive though it costs 15 dirhams for a pack of 4 where the regular yogurt is about 380 for a 4 pack so there is a big difference but lets see if it works, I drink tons of water during the day, I followed the advice of half my weight in ounces , so I try and drink about 150 ounces of water a day. In addition to my salad and yogurt I also eat an apple and half a carrot, and for a snack I crunch on cereal, so far so good. oh and on the weekends I have homemade pizza or maybe I bake a cake and have a small slice, I give myself a little freedom on the weekends maybe some popcorn or something else as a reward but then as Monday gets closer I put a little more emphasis in my workouts trying to drop as much weight as I can before my weigh in ,lol. So that's been my diet plan for the last few weeks. So like the old cliche goes "If it aint broke don't fix it" so until the scale says this aint working this will be my plan of action. Its become really easy alhamdulillah. I would like to post more often, but my laptop is broken right now so I cant get online as often as I would like, but you know for sure I will be here next Monday, InshaAllah.

Big Steps In The Right Direction

Today was a VERY big accomplishment for me mashaAllah. 3 of my children has a field trip with their school to the arcade at the mall and after they ate in the food court. I wanted to take my 3 youngest along so they can get out and have some fun besides ( the most they do is ride in the car to drop off and pick up their siblings from school). I debated with myself about going, I didn't want to be in that food court around all the good smells and the sweets and ice cream yadda yadda yadda, But I also didn't think it was fair to make my kids suffer because I am restricting my food intake. So off we went, and what do you know as I get there the kids are all sitting in the food court being handed their happy-meals which didn't make me happy at all, my little ones faces just lit up as they looked up at me like ok where is our happy meal, off to the McDonald's to get them there kids meals , and although I don't eat meat they had a garden salad and a pineapple custard pie that looked rather inviting, but I stood firm and only ordered for them, I did cave and I had a childs size diet coke, I thought U had given up on diet sodas but I fell weak to that. But mashaAllah I was able to sit at the table as my children ate and I snacked on 5 or 6 fries that my one year old thought he should throw across the table and that was it, I didn't binge and eat anything that I shouldn't have and it felt really good after that I was able to remain in control and pass up all of my favorite eating spots. I think this was a sign for me that I can do anything that I put my mind to , and I have to put food in its place. I was so motivated I went into carrefour after and tried to by an exercise video and a stepper , neither of which they had but I plan on looking elsewhere inshaAllah.
I am looking forward to this Monday I have been alot more strict this week with my carb intake, inshaAllah it will pay off.

First Weigh In!!!!!

Well as promised I weighed myself today and mu current weight is 140.5 kilos which is 310 pounds, so thats means I am down 4 pounds from last Monday. HORAYYYY!!!!!!! Four pounds closer to my new self. The weekend is over thank God. Weekends are rough, I mean its nice to have everyone home and all but it really interfears with my routine. And the all day eating of the children and my hubby dont help either. This past weekend I had a few rice crispie treats as a treat to myself, but this week I said I want to really buckle down and see if I can lose more than 4 pounds by next monday if I really limit the carb intake, also I set a time of 7:30pm as a cut off and I only alow myself to eat before that time. Yesterday went really well, everytime I thought about snacking after that time I just chugged down some water. I also have not had a diet coke in a few days, I read that the sweetner in diet sodas can actually cause you to crave fatty foods,hummm, who knew ???? So this week I am really trying to limit myself to salads and the bran cereal that I snack on. We will see if it pays off next monday. I really would like to blog more often but finding time just isnt that easy these days. I would also like to do a bit more cardio excercise but I need a cd or something to follow.
I will share a few websites that I have been using to help look up things about weight loss maybe they will be of some help to you as well.
http://www.weightlossforgood.co.uk/nutrition/nutrition.htm
http://familydoctor.org/788.xml#4
http://www.fatfree.com/diets/mcdougall.html

the last one is really interesting but a bit too restrictive for me, as long as what I am doing keeps working I will stay on that track because its easy for me.

Here I am!!!!

Well as if the title of my blog doesnt already say it , I am 30 years old and I weigh over 300 pounds, not much over but too darn much for me. How did I get here, well in short I have been happily married( with lots of bumps and bruises) for 14 years in which time I have birthed 9 beautiful children............but in all that time of being a pregnant/breast feeding mom I never stopped to see what was really happening to my body and in 15 years I blossomed from a nice healthy size of 160 pounds to a now unrecognizable 314 pounds. My goal is to return to that 160 pound bombshell that I was ( if i dont say so myself..hahahahaha) with the aid of my lord inshaAllah........You have to know that I wasnt always this big after every baby I would try one fad diet or another to try and recover my body , but always after about a 40 pound loss I would get pregnant again only to gain back 60. Can someone tell me how a 314 pound woman can give birth to a 6 pound baby and the next week she still weighs 314 pounds well I am here to tell you its very possible and all to real to me.
Should I end this post now or do I keep typing, hey what the heck I am on a roll now.
I think its only fair that I mention I have some medical issues that may have contributed to this , I was diagnosed with having hypothyroidism after my fourth child which explains why I need only look at food to gain weight. I am still at a loss how it went undiagnosed for so long but my doctor at the time seemed to think that I had been suffering from it for a long time thats why I would never shed my pregnancy pounds. Who knows but I am trying to shed them now.
This time I am trying a different approach... I have stopped eating all meats, including chicken , fish, beef, ect ect ect, and I eat very few carbs I mostly eat salad and sometimes raw or cooked veggies. I did stop drinking soda all together but I have now become obbssesed with diet coke again grhhhhhhh.
I dont any eat sweets like I used to, what I do now is I calculate the calories of everything and I only alow myself to eat 100 calories of any food, like I made this slammin bannana bread and rather than eat the biggest slice I could fit on a plate like I normally would I only ate a bite a small bite, I am sure that bite had to have been less than 100 calories. In addition to this I drink at least 3 liters of water everyday, I have trouble with constipation( like I dont go for days) so I started drinking 1 or 2 cups of diet tea a day and that is helping keep me regular. I have also become a housework fanatic, I put my mp3 player in my ears and I clean like my house was about to be inspected by the ministry of health( If you live in the UAE you know everything is a ministry,lol in america we would call it the health dept.) and I dance and clean dance and clean for hours, and you know with 9 kids its easy to spend the day cleaning and I mean that literally , I dance and cook, I dance and clean I dance thru the house all day long, I know my kids must think I am nuts but hey I have got to get this done before I am knocked up again. In addition to the dancing I do some cardio workouts I use my excercise ball, I walk sometimes, I do tons of crunches daily and I plan on getting a stepper this weekend.
I was driving myself crazy getting on the scale once and sometimes two or three times a day but I promised myslef that I would cut that back to once a week, its too stressfull when you know you worked extra hard and then you get on the scale and its up a kilo( I couldnt find a scale with pounds at carrefour). So my new routine is I watch the biggest loser on sunday for motivation and I get on the scale on monday mornings. I started out at 320 pounds and I am now down to 314 as of last monday so I will be sure to let you know how things are going this monday.
Was it hard to not eat meat, no way, surprisingly I dont miss it at all. I was alwasys a sweets junkie anyway that is my weakness. Ok well its time to go boogie(clean). This has been really theraputic there is so much I want to say to sort of play catch up I will take it little by little I dont want to blog-overload if thats possible. Well if you made it thru this far your good, thanks for stopping by..............( who the ____ am I talking to,lol) .