What a difference a year makes!!!!

It has been exactly one year to the day that I last posted. What has changed, I am now a mother of 10. My baby girl was born Jan. 2nd this year, and I have started my battle against obesity once again. I have been doing Atkins Induction for 2 weeks now, my weigh in day was on Sundays but since I am re-starting this blog today I decided to change my weigh in day to Thursday. As of this morning I am currently 140.7 kilos or 310 pounds. My goals for this year are to grow my hair down to my armpits ( thats another blog yet to be written...) and to get down to 250 pounds( 113 kilos). I am doing Atkins this go round because my thyroid issues were causing me problems with breastfeeding so I am not restricted to what kind of diet I can do and I feel like atkins is something that I can stick with very long term. I try to walk on the treadmill daily for at least 2 miles, I do various work out dvd's and I recently ordered Turbo Jam which I plan on doing every day inshaAllah. I am feeling great, I go outside and dance in the yard and jog a little to get exercise in when I don't feel like being on the treadmill. My first week on induction I did really well, but the second week I discovered Atkins bars and I think the slowed my weight loss so I have vowed that I will not eat anymore Atkins bars, I will not drink any more diet sodas, I will use splenda and splenda products very sparingly to make home made foods to go along with my induction. I plan on staying on induction until I reach 200 pounds then my goal is to move to on going weight loss OWL phase of Atkins. So here my journey re-begins. I can do this, I will do this , I have to do this, May God grant me success, amin. My mini goal is to be down to 300 pounds by April 27th. Thanks for listening.

Slow Yet Steady

The number for the week is 285 down 5 pounds from last week. Whooooo Hoooooo mashaAllah. I have also been a bit more moderate with my eating as well and even though my days of having 5 - 10 pound weekly loses may be gone I am happy to see the pounds are still diminishing. I am still steady with my exercise and water drinking, I try to take my thyroid medicine on a regular basis, I make sure that I drink PLENTY of water, and other than that I try to cut out as much stuff that I can but I allow myself one day a week to eat liberally but in moderation of course. I pray that all my fellow bloggers are doing well its been quiet around here lately.
take care

Trying to get there

Today I weighed in at 287 pounds and I am very happy about that but sort of in a yucky mood about some other things, a dear sister of mine is going through a really rough patch in her life and I really feel bad for her because it could happen to any of us, so my prayers are with her and any other sisters that may be going through a rough time in their relationships. Men can be so dumb sometimes, but we feel so lost without them. Is this payback for Eve and that darn apple..... Anyway I really don't feel like typing much maybe I will add some more again later during the week. I never posted about what the doctor told me so I will try and stop in and do that before my next weigh in when I am in a better mood.

Why does being happy have to be so hard?????
see you later

So hard to get back on track!!!!!

Today is the day that I decided enough was enough and we are half way through the day and so far so good. Why is it so hard to get back on track??? I was doing so good for so long and now it seems like it was harder to get motivated again. I actually found myself saying that I didn't care anymore, I will just be fat forever, but I know that's not what I want. I watched the biggest loser last night and I saw Matt win ( we are a few seasons behind here on middle east TV channels)I searched online and read that Matt and Suzy actually got married and had a child together ..how cute, match made in reality TV heaven LOL. Anyway back to be. I weighed in this morning 2 pounds heavier now at 291, only 9 pounds away from the place I vowed that I never wanted to see again. This is the turning point for me( I don't know how many times I said this) but I really WANT to mean it this time. I want to be less than 200 pounds and I know eating whatever I want isn't going to get me here, I want to lose 50 more pounds before the end of the summer, I want to feel good about myself, I want to look in the mirror and not be totally disgusted by what I see. I want to be a health fit fun mom , and be able to run around in the yard and play with my children. I want to be a hot sexy wife that can go in any store and buy a nice outfit and be able to find my size without searching for a store that has FAT people clothes, is this too much to ask for??? Am I being unreal??? Is this ever going to be my reality, I thought that I had crossed these hurdles in my mind before, how in the world did I get back here??? Well I cant look back, I have to move forward and I have to keep working, I cant give up. I am not a loser and I know I have the will in me to do this, I just need to ask God to give me more strength, I have to look at myself and figure out where I am going wrong, what am I doing to make this reality that I long for so difficult to achieve. I suppose I need to do some soul searching and get myself spiritually right so that the physical part will fall in sync, I don't know, I am willing to try anything. One thing I know for sure I want to see the scale move the other way and I don't want to have to starve myself to get there.
HERE's TO HOPE!!!!!!!

BUSY BUSY BUSY Week!!!

Well mom is gone ( sniff sniff sniff), the kids have been royally spoiled and so did my eating habits , but this is a lifestyle change so when she left last night so did the little 9 day splurge and today its back to business. I have to un-spoil my children, as well as my stomach, I drank a lot of water to help my body flush out all the bagels and pastries and goodies that I indulged in while she was here. I must admit however that although I did sample A LOT I really didn't over do it and I maintained a constant level of activity and exercise so I am very proud to say that I am still 289 pounds, and what a relief, I just knew I was going to have to fight off sow extra pounds that I would pick up while she was here but that never happened Alhamdulillah ( All praise due to God).
I did go ahead and get my lab work done and not surprisingly my thyroid is WAY out of control, for anyone familiar with thyroid disorders my lab work was the following:
TSH 30.17 , T3 0.35 , T4 27.15 so I am hypothyroid for sure, the problem is finding a good doctor, my hubby thinks that I should just take the medicine for a while and then re do my lab work but I read up online and you can really mess your heart up when your thyroid is out of control and I really don't want to fool around on my own with how much medicine I should take. What do you think??? I know he means well but I let him talk me out of going to my regular dentist and now its cost me a tooth. Living outside of the US there are some things you just don't do and going to a doctor or dentist that someone you know didn't refer you to can be very costly and dangerous. Its so much easier to go to the labs pay and get the tests you need and then buy the medicine for it at any local pharmacy, you really can become your own doctor if you know what your doing but you can also make yourself very sick if you don't. Well I am going to try and find a doctor and at least hear what they have to say, it cant hurt anything and if they are just totally off the rocker then I will consider my own course of action starting with a low dose of my old meds and slowly increasing every 2-4 weeks until my lab work is back to normal at least that was the protocol that I found online. I think the whole reason why I am back here again is because before when I was taking my medicine regularly my old OB doctor tested me and when she found my levels were normal she told me to stop taking the medicine, something I probably should have ignored, Oh well....you live and you learn. I am hoping that my return to my lifestyle change, my walking, and now taking my thyroid medicine will get my weight moving in the right direction once again. I shall keep you posted.
Take care and hang in there......we can do it

No Pain No Gain

Well this is going to be really really short because my mom is here for the week and I have been extremly busy. I have been walking and jogging a mile everyday on my treadmill and doing a little bit of aerobics with my dumb-bells. I eat samples of all my favorite food that she brought me ( still not eating any meat though) and the scale has not budged. Even though in the past the scale not moving would have spiraled me into a downhill depression I am ok because I think I am losing inches, for the first time in a LONG LONG LONG time I was walking and my legs were not rubbing eachother and my legs actually felt good, I know it sounds weird I cant really explain how but it just felt like I was in somebody elses legs, lol. My mom seems to be impressed with the progress that I made since her last visit and my sweet hubby has been telling me lots of encouraging words, so I am going to enjoy small portions of my favorite food stuffs and keep up the work outs. MAybe next week I will lose a pound or two but if I dont its no big deal I know I am eating good and I am excercising so even if its only my heart getting healthy I think its well worth it, I can go back into strict food choices next week when my mom is gone, but this is helping me realize that once I reach my target weight goal I really can return to eating what I want as long as I control my portions and continue to excercise, I am just elated that I am not gaining any weight so over all its been a very good week, and best of all my mom is here and we are having a great time. ok gotta run.
take care

Sorry I am late....

Well I am a day late. No real reason except I wasn't in a hurry to post a big fat NOTHING. I am still 289 stinky pounds. I think I am taking it much better this time. I realize this is probably just my body's way of retaliation for my 10 pound one week loss..go figure. We have a "home gym" now so I have been walking on the treadmill at least a mile everyday and still trying to do some aerobic here and there and still doing my normal cleaning routine ( I did cut back on the cleaning a bit). I am not sure what exactly my problem is I am taking my vitamins, taking my iron pills, but I am just exhausted all the time, I think this may be my thyroid problem rearing its VERY UGLY head so I am going to try and get to the doctor this week and get some lab work done to try and get to the bottom of why I am feeling this slum. Its very frustrating when you have so many things that you want to do but physically you just cant seem to get it done. On top of everything else my period should be here in a few days so of course my hormones are all of whack I want to eat everything in sight. I really feel like this battle is so unfair at times. I am not a monster eating everything in sight, why cant I just eat like a normal person and exercise and lose weight, why is it such a struggle, why do I have to love food so much, why is it so hard to just lose this darn weight??? I am in no way giving up but I just feel at times that its hopeless. Will I be fat forever?? Is being under 200 pounds just not within reason for me?? Am I setting myself up for failure?? Should I just change my thinking and accept this fat body as my reality??? Well don't look for any miracles from me for the next two weeks, my mom will be here in a few days God-willing, and although I am soooo happy she is coming to see us and I miss her so much and I am looking forward to her visit, eating is a big part of her visits here, she always brings all the NY, American and the Guyanese favorites and I know I will over indulge because its foods that I have not had access to in the 4 years that we have been outside of America. So needless to say my chances for any loss is zero to none. Should I even bother weighing myself in the next two weeks. I will be devastated if I go back over 300 pounds but I know that I probably wont be losing anything at all. WHAT SHOULD I DO??? My mom is over weight as well and we could probably both do without all the goodies that she is bringing, I don't want to make her visit rough by restricting food, cause i know that will just make the both of us super cranky and I don't want our visit to be stressful, I don't know when she will get to come back again. Well I promise to keep blogging but as far as getting on the scale , we will just have to see about that one.