How did I get to be 30 and over 300 pounds

Not complaining but...

2008-07-31T03:46:00.000-07:00

I have the flu, yeah just what I needed 5 days before we go on vacation. Not to mention we had to postpone our trip a few days because the airlines canceled our first flight so our trip got pushed forward a few days which has now turned out to be a blessing now that I am sick. I am just praying that I am over it before we leave. My mom has arrived here safely and the kids and I are all enjoying her so much. I just hope I don't make anyone sick. I would hate to leave her here with a house full of sick kids to tend to. I won't be able to weigh in next thursday, and I am not even going to try. This will be a good excercice for me to put some distance between myself and the scale. I am going to try and do my best to stick to my induction levels while I am away, But I am also giving myself permission to maybe have 1 or 2 free meals where I can eat what I want to. I may or may not use those free meals, but I am leaving that open as an option in case there is a situation that warrants me to eat off plan. I went clothes shopping the other day for my trip and much to my surprise I can now wear a size 18 bottom, On top I am still a 20-24 depending on the cut of the shirt but I know after breastfeeding 10 children my upstairs is going to be there for a good while and I am actually not looking foward to having to deal with being non-perky up there, but I will cross that bridge when I get to it. I may just have to treat myself to a boob job when I reach my final goal ( whatever that is). Ok thats it for now, See you in two weeks.

Summertime Burnout!!!

2008-07-24T13:22:00.000-07:00

This is going to be really short because I am really in a funk today for some reason. I shouldn't be I went to the salon and had my hair done and got a manicure and pedicure and waxing so I should be feeling pampered and all dolled up , but instead I'm annoyed and irritated. Oh well blame it on hormones and maybe it's due to the fact that we are two months into the summer break, maybe I'm just burned out a bit. Dh is a school teacher and would probably kill me for saying this but, I can't wait until school starts back. My mom will be here to visit next week for a month and dh and I are taking a trip for a week while she is here to get some alone time and give her some "grandma time only" with the kids, I am praying that it all goes smoothly. Hopefully the trip with just dh and I will be enough to rejuvenate me and get me through the rest of the summer break without incident. OK that's it for today, Hmmm maybe the fact that I am only down one pound this week contributed to my funky mood?????

270's here I come!!!!

2008-07-17T23:03:00.000-07:00

I can't even explain how good it feels to be down in the 270's a place I don't think I have been in at least 4 maybe even 5 years. It's no where close to where I want to end up, at this point I think I now have about 100 pounds left to go, but I am going to keep taking it one day at a time. My mini goal is to be in the 250's or less by my birthday in November, I think I can do it. I look back at my stats and I noticed that I stayed in the 290's for a very long time. Those where my days of experimenting with adding different things to my diet. What I think I have discovered is that simple is much better, I lose better, I am less frustrated with the scale when I keep my menu items simple. So i wont be doing egg creams and all that good stuff for the next month or so, I want to see if my theory sticks. I am sure that since I have only been in the 270's a few days I may go back up a bit until it sticks but I am ok with that. I STILL have not gotten back on the exercise wagon, as a matter of fact that wagon has totally ran me over and I am more like under the wagon, but I am going to really try and make that a goal this week to get back started. I know I will feel much better if I do it, but that's easy to say and very hard to put into practice.
I am going to try really hard though. Thanks for stopping by..until next week.

The heat is on.......

2008-07-10T17:41:00.000-07:00

Whew, its at least 100 here everyday and it feels like it may be 150. Summer is in full blast and I am praying this is my last summer ever over 200 pounds. I look foward to writing next year this time with my weight being in "one-derland" ever if its 199. My medicine has arrived free of incident and I have been on it a few days now. I have to wait a month to repeat my lab work and see if the dose needs adjusting but I am starting to feel alot better thats for sure. A pair of my jeans that used to really hug me tight went on with ease today and I could stick both of my hands in the gap between my back and the jeans, I cant wait until that happens in the front too. Staying on plan has been realy easy. I am so busy with my little ones being home and trying to keep everyone entertained that I really dont have time to think much about food, its so liberating not obssessing over food all day. I dont have any time to really hang out on the low carb forum like I used to I really miss that but when school starts back I will get back there. I am also taking an arabic class an hour a day in the evenings so I am enjoying doing something for myself as well. So far this summer is off to a really great start.

Wild Wadi... whooo hoooo

2008-07-04T03:46:00.000-07:00

This is going to be short because I am exhausted. Last night my eldest daughter and I went to "ladies night" at an amazing amusement park here in Dubai. Here is the link:
www.wildwadi.com It was totally awesome, the rides were so much fun, I don't know when last I had that much fun. Of course my daughter and I both want to go back. Hopefully we will get to go again before the summer is out. Even better than that, I fit in every ride, ha ha. No embarrassing moments of " sorry maam this ride isn't for you". and the best of all, I stayed on plan the whole time, I was actually having so much fun that we didnt eat or drink a thing the entire time, When we left I ate 3 pieces of KFC but since that was all I had eaten since lunch it didnt take me over my carb count for the day. The pounds are still doing their thing. I was 285 before so I am really not impressed, I know its a great accomplishment considering I started at 322 so I have lost about 37 pounds so far but I'm still very much plus sized. I just need more patience with myself thats all. Ok lunch time , grilled chicken and salad are on the menu for today. take care

Sugar Alcohols And The Scale

2008-06-27T09:39:00.000-07:00

Yup I'm up a pound this week. I know that I now suffer from Post MS instead of PMS, I managed to make it through the whole TOM without a sugar free chocolate in hand but one day later while out on one of my now tri-weekly trips to Carrefour( Europe's Walmart in UAE) there was this king size sugar free white chocolate bar and I had to have it, never mind the 56 grams of sugar alcohols for each 4 pieces, there were about 24 pieces in all. I will have self control I told myself, only eat 4 pieces a day till its done. Well that was enough to get me to put it my cart and off we went. Day one , ate four pieces and put the rest away, day 2 ate 4 pieces and put the rest away, day three the chocolate told me that if I just ate it all that day it would no longer be there anymore to tempt me, so down the hatch it went, yeah I know, not much self control there . Any way gone went the candy bar and it took my ketosis with it. I finally got the darn stick to turn purple today so I am back in ketosis again so that's a plus. Now just waiting for my Scale to catch on that yeah I really want to lose weight and its not fair to punish me for one small indiscretion. Well lesson learned unless I want to gain a pound leave the king size sugar alcohol laden deliciously creamy white chocolate bar in the store, cause no matter how good it tastes I will be sorry after. This week I learned that sugar alcohols don't like me very much and my scale can be very two-faced as well.
On a much brighter note, I have ordered the medication that I need, just praying now that they allow the delivery to go smoothly. I cant wait to feel better because I have been sleeping like a bear in hibernation this week, and still haven't started back exercising but I will try hard to get there this week.

Let the summer vacation begin.

2008-06-19T18:47:00.000-07:00

Its official, everyone in the house including dh are now on summer vacation. It was a smooth transition so far, with a few bumps. My little one got burned with hot tea, so I am nursing her wound, and the baby had an allergic reaction to some teething meds and had to be rushed to the ER. Thank God they are both fine. I'm still dealing with the inability to get hold of my thyroid medications right now, which is very frustrating. For some reason T3 isn't on the market for sale in the UAE, go figure. So I may have to try and get the Ministry of Health here to give me permisson to have some sent here, I wont be holding my breath on that too long though.
My weight is back on the decline and I am thankful for that , I know most thyroid patients have trouble losing and that is not my issue. I suffer with the fatigue, muscle aches(all over body aches), feelings of not wanting to move, excessive sleep patterns, and now hair loss, aspects of hypothyroidism, and according to my lab work I have the antibodies that indicate that I have Hashimotos disease,haven't really figured out what all that means just yet I will post my lab work later on. So needless to say this week I have alot of research cut out for me with the addition of a dh and 10 kids to now tend to ALL DAY LONG,lol. Hold on to your hats ladies, its going to be quite a ride.

Sort of a pattern!!

2008-06-13T21:38:00.000-07:00

Sorry I am late again this week. Busy day on Thursday , and now another busy weekend. I wont dare bore anyone with another post about my "feminine issues", but you can probably pretty much figure out why my weight it up a little this week. At least I see the pattern and its not bothering me. I have been doing a really good job of staying on plan and I know as long as I stick with it, I will see results, and I know its going to take alot of patience with myself. The patience part gets very hard sometimes, but the more I begin to accept that this is a change for life , the less it feels like I am on a diet, and the easier its becoming to stay on plan without a second thought. I have been having what feels like some thyroid related issues and I found these articles :
http://thyroid.about.com/b/2008/06/11/whats-happening-to-thyroid-patients-taking-eltroxin-brand-levothyroxine-in-new-zealand.htm?nl=1#gB3
http://www.stuff.co.nz/southlandtimes/4575143a6568.html
http://www.stuff.co.nz/southlandtimes/4579569a6568.html

I don't live in New Zealand but the medication that we get here comes from Glaxo Smith Cline in Germany, and since I changed to this new bottle I have been suffering from hair loss, fatigue as if I am not treating my thyroid at all, and my eyes are always sore and painful. I'm not sure what to do with this info but I may start by writing the local newspapers here and see if someone can do some more research. The bigger problem is if they pull it off the shelves, there are no other medicines on the market here so how would all the hypothyroid patients treat their conditions, scary thought. Well I went to the doctor and had my lab tests repeated and I will post my results as soon as I have them.
Until next time.

Rolling in a new month!!

2008-06-05T02:19:00.000-07:00

Turbo Jam is cool but I cant see myself doing it everyday, the treadmill gets so boring. Callanetics is my magic ticket. I love it and I look foward to the hour I spend doing it, and best of all I have managed to be consistent with it as well. When doing it you should give your body time to recover so I do it every other day. The days I dont do it I want to, thats how much I enjoy it. Today the scale it teetering between 289 and 290 , but I am writing 289 because thats where its been going down to a few days now, just waiting for it to stick there and go lower. I feel great and I am finally starting to really notice that my body is changing and its really nice that dh notices as well. Im still doing my shakes for 1 oe 2 meals a day, it works well and keeps me from having to plan out meals all day. I want to try and start back on my treadmill. I just need some motivation. I have been really good about driking my water and keeping up with my food journal , this week I ate no processed foods, just meat, salad, veggies, nuts, and cheese maybe once or twice. I expected the loss to be more but Im not sweating it as long as I dont gain, I know TOM will be here again I would like to be down to 280 by the end of June but no pressure, as long as I am sticking to plan I will succeed. See you next week.

Shaking things up!!!!!!!!

2008-05-29T01:36:00.000-07:00

Well, you know I think I have just a tad bit of OCD in my blood. I searched and searched until I got my hands back on some low carb shakes. I even went so far as to order some and have them shipped all the way from America. What can I say, I like to stick with things that work. One of the powerful things that happens to you when you follow the book and are truly in ketosis is that your desire to eat leaves you. Today I was out of shakes ( AGAIN) and nothing seemed apealing to me, its like my relationship with food is over, after all these years and all the love just like that you wake up one morning and your beloved is gone. Will I miss it , heck yeah, but being down 4 pounds from last week gives me reason to keep looking foward and no turning back. Soooo as my OCD would have it I have found some more shakes and plan on having them in hand by the end of the day. I do a pretty good job of eating healthy foods, its just with the shakes I dont have to put so much thought and effort into what I plan on eating throughout the day.With 10 children I really dont have time to be hovering around in the kitchen trying to figure out what to eat next.
I am really into the callenetics, I LOVE it and I see curves coming in places that I didnt know existed, so whoooo hoooooo. Im enjoying this ride. See you next week.

Uncle "TOM" and Aunt "FLO"

2008-05-21T23:54:00.000-07:00

Well my unwanted relatives are hear and lets just say they brought an extra present this week. Im up a pound, but its not getting to me because I started doing Callenetics and I love it, so I am not going to get bummed out about one pound. Something else that hit me this week is that as long as I stay consistent time is on MY side. I dont need to give myself dates to get to certain pounds and make myself feel like a failure, this isnt some kind of race. Im doing this for ME and as long as I dont give up , I have already won. So rather than set dates that I want to meet my goals by I will set goals that I want to make and then just keep up with the day I make it to that goal. I know I will get there, so no need for the extra pressue. I plan on doing turbo jam and walk away the pounds on the days that I dont do callanetics. My goal this week is to do some form of excercise daily and continue to eat clean, stay under my 20 grams of carbs daily. My shake routine was put on hold because I ran out of shakes and the store here that carries them is out, so one week of normal atkins, and I will see how things go from there.
until next week....happy low carbing

Busy Busy Busy Thursday

2008-05-14T22:19:00.000-07:00

I really dont have time to post today, I have to go to my daughters school. Its the end of the year and lots of things happening at the kids school. My weight today is 294. I had a fiasco one day that involved 3 atkins advantage bars which threw me out of ketosis because of all the sugar alcohol but I am right back on track and also excercising now. I will try and post more later when I have time.

Better late than never!!!!

2008-05-09T00:55:00.001-07:00

Sorry my post is a day late but in all fairness I will use my weight from yesterday which was 297. I'm feeling good. Yesterday was my daughters KG graduation and Awards day for my son, there were tons of chocolate baskets floating around and I was very tempted to " just have a bite" but I resisted.Despite all the running I still stayed on plan and yesterday made 12 cheat free /clean eating days.
I have still been:
- keeping up with writing down everything I eat
- drinking at least 3 liters of water
- staying under my 20 grams of carbs a day
- avoiding MOST low carb convience foods
what I am NOT doing is getting enough exercise. I don't know what my problem is, I have a HUGE variety of Cd's , machinery and gadgets to give me something different to try everyday but I just don't have the energy or motivation to get the exercise done. Can I count keeping up with 10 children as exercise??? I know I need to do more I just haven't found that niche that I can do everyday yet, but I am working on it , I ordered a callenetics video along with the actual Dr. Atkins book so we'll see if I can make some changes in that area, other wise everything is going pretty well.
By the way I found my lab report here goes:
Cholesterol 163.5 should be less than 200
Triglycerides 42.2 should be less than 150
HDL Chol. 42.9 should be between 35-60
LDL Chol. 106.7 should be less than 130
VLDL Chol. 8.5 should be between 6-38

that was perfect ...here is the problem
free T3 2.81 should be 3.1-6.8 ( mine is low)
free T4 15.39 should be 12-22 ( mine is ok)
TSH 7.06 should be .35- 4.94 ( mine is high)
This was after being on no meds for a month so the wacky doctor put me back on thyroid hormones 50mcg. a day for two months and then I go back to check the levels again. I know my levels aren't that bad but I feel like they are alot worse, I have that weak, dragging feeling , that don't want to move feeling, but I am trying to make myself do as much as possible.
OK that's all folks, I have a "social gathering" today and I am taking all the Atkins foods I need and making a batch of sweet oopsies so while they are having all the Anti- low carb crap I can eat and enjoy my own cheat-free pleasures.
See you next week....

Met goal and counting!!!!!!

2008-05-01T00:49:00.000-07:00

WHOOOO HOOOO!!!!! Alhamdulillah ( All praise is due to God) I made goal, my weight today 299.2 I don't EVER want to be over 300 pounds again, I am not looking back, this will be the year that I get close to 200 pounds , I know I can do it. I feel great and I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
May goals:
lose 10 pounds
no cheat days/ eat clean for 30 days
exercise at least 30 minutes every day
what I am already doing:
drinking 3 liters of water a day
writing down everything I eat
taking my vitamins and thyroid meds every day
keeping meals as simple as possible

I seemed to have misplaced my lab reports , that's what I get for procrastinating about entering it in my blog...so you will just have to take my word for it that my lipid profile was perfect, and my thyroid is wacky, but I am working on the thyroid issue.
Until next week...

Keep on Keeping on!!!

2008-04-23T23:28:00.000-07:00

Numbers... Numbers...Numbers.......Today I am down to 301.4. I ate clean all week despite all the temptation foods that are around me. I did eat some fried shrimp yesterday, and ate some fatoush( arabic salad) with the fried bread crutons on it and today my ketone sticks are not turning purple, but I don't even care. I am back on plan and not going to have any off plan foods this week God- willing. I am only 1.4 pounds away from my April goal. I started walking on the corniche the days my boys go to Karate ( Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday). I clocked the distance on my odometer and its 3 km going and 3 km back to the car so 6km total. The first time it was very hard the second time it was much easier, I am trying to do it faster and faster each time God-willing. Its a great motivation because I park the car at one end and I walk to the other end, so I have no choice but to walk back, it takes me an hour and its fun, unlike walking on the treadmill for an hour which is very boring, I can see other people walking there is one old man that looks like he could be my great- grandfather and he zooms past me every time, my personal goal is to zoom past him one day, lol.
By the way the Cauliflower pizza was soooooooo good, I made it twice last week, but it took me 2 days to go to the bathroom after each time I ate it so that will be a once a month treat and must be followed up with a laxative tea or else there are many problems in the bathroom department, but it was a nice treat none the less. I think I gave up on the oopsie rolls, I don't really miss bread anyway, I would like to fool around with the recipe a bit more and make some kind of oopsie cakes one day , but its too time consuming and if you mess it up its such a waste, I tried to use some old oppsies to make oopsie bread pudding and it turned into oopsie garbage so I wont be doing that again. Good news I fit into my white shirt that would only button one button. Its tight but I closed 4 buttons yesterday. Bad news its that time of the month again after only 20 days. Last time it was double 42 days late this time 8 days early, but I read that low-carbing can do that because your body releases extra estrogen stored in your fat, whatever, at least I know its working on something. So I am hoping that I have some extra water weight and I will meet my goal by the first of May. Stay tuned....

It's the weekend......

2008-04-17T03:28:00.000-07:00

Numbers first, today's weigh in puts me at 305.6 , I am happy because earlier this week, I buffed up a few days but I made a comitment to do this so I dusted myself off and got right back on plan. I also found out that after a month with no meds my thyroid is back hypo again so back on the meds I go, I am supposed to go back to the doctor in two months to re- check my levels. My lipid profile was also very good, I will post the number next week, I cant really stay long now my energy level is returning that I am back on my meds I want to catch up on the excercise that I slacked up on, I have been eating clean for 4 days now and am praying that there are no more slip ups for me this week. I have also accepted that I am human and I wont let my slip ups equate to falure. I am 5.6 pounds away from my April goal of being under 300. If I stick to plan and keep up the extra physical activity God-wiling I WILL get there. My mom will be in town tommorow for a week and its going to be very challenging to stay on plan while she is here but I will do my best. I havent really experimented much with too many recipes but tonight I am trying the cauliflower pizza, I will let you know next week how it worked.

Back in the game!

2008-04-10T03:44:00.000-07:00

PMS is now gone and my weight today is 139.4kg or 307lbs. My new scale fell down off the top of my closet and shattered into pieces. I took that as a sign I should ditch the scale all together. I kept that thought for half of a day and later that night caved and decided to go and buy a new one to replace it...... Well "Sign" number two, I went to 5 stores one of them being the store I brought the one that broke from ( when I got mine they had a whole shelf of them) and NOBODY had the scale. So like it or not I have to go all the way in my daughters room to weigh now because I gave her the scale and I cant just take it back from her, but I think this will help me to keep from weighing myself a million times a day. I have given up the Atkins bars, I have a few of the nasty advantage bars left in the fridge and not even the kids will eat them so that should tell you how bad they are. I made my first batch of "oopsie rolls" ( www.cleochatra.blogspot.com/2007/10/better-than-ever-best-yet-revolution ) they were'nt nice as buns but it made some really good french toast. I am having alot of fun in the kitchen trying new recipes and ways to stick to my induction long term. I have made a mini goal to try and get back under 300 lbs by the end of April. My mom will be here in a few days its going to be a challenge to stay on plan while she is here but I have to do this, and maybe if she sees my conviction it will convince her to do the same for herself. I have also started doing turbo jam and I really like it , I just have to try to make a time that I can get it in everyday. Being a mom of 10 doesn't always leave me much time to do things , but I will have to find a way. OK lose 7 pounds in April challenge ..HERE I COME!!!!!!!!!!!

PMS in full gear!!

2008-04-03T10:33:00.000-07:00

Well no complaints here, at my weigh in this morning I am still holding in there at 310 lbs. Thats to be expected when I used most of by carb allowances the past few days on Atkins bars to ward off all the pms chocolate cravings. I have however stayed on plan which is a major accomplishment. I am almost at my one month atkinversary.I invested in a scale that does pounds, I am tired of converting kilos to pounds and a one kilo loss doesn't feel nearly as good as a two pound one. My order for the Turbo Jam exercise series should be in my possession early next week, by then my period should be over and I am looking forward to following the programs recommendations. I went out to lunch with a friend today and I am pleased to say that I totally ate on plan, fish, chicken, a little lettuce and a diet Pepsi, I was totally un-phased by all the fruits, starches and deserts, it felt good to be able to walk away from all of the things I would have over indulged in and I didn't feel bad at all, I was actually full and satisfied, rather then stuffed and feeling sick. Whooo hooo now if I can just keep my exercise regular I expect to see some pounds gone next week, but even still I feel great and I can tell the inches are dropping as well. MY plan for next week, go back to being anti- atkins bars eating and start the turbo jam regimen.

What a difference a year makes!!!!

2008-03-26T22:30:00.000-07:00

It has been exactly one year to the day that I last posted. What has changed, I am now a mother of 10. My baby girl was born Jan. 2nd this year, and I have started my battle against obesity once again. I have been doing Atkins Induction for 2 weeks now, my weigh in day was on Sundays but since I am re-starting this blog today I decided to change my weigh in day to Thursday. As of this morning I am currently 140.7 kilos or 310 pounds. My goals for this year are to grow my hair down to my armpits ( thats another blog yet to be written...) and to get down to 250 pounds( 113 kilos). I am doing Atkins this go round because my thyroid issues were causing me problems with breastfeeding so I am not restricted to what kind of diet I can do and I feel like atkins is something that I can stick with very long term. I try to walk on the treadmill daily for at least 2 miles, I do various work out dvd's and I recently ordered Turbo Jam which I plan on doing every day inshaAllah. I am feeling great, I go outside and dance in the yard and jog a little to get exercise in when I don't feel like being on the treadmill. My first week on induction I did really well, but the second week I discovered Atkins bars and I think the slowed my weight loss so I have vowed that I will not eat anymore Atkins bars, I will not drink any more diet sodas, I will use splenda and splenda products very sparingly to make home made foods to go along with my induction. I plan on staying on induction until I reach 200 pounds then my goal is to move to on going weight loss OWL phase of Atkins. So here my journey re-begins. I can do this, I will do this , I have to do this, May God grant me success, amin. My mini goal is to be down to 300 pounds by April 27th. Thanks for listening.

Slow Yet Steady

2007-04-30T08:17:00.000-07:00

The number for the week is 285 down 5 pounds from last week. Whooooo Hoooooo mashaAllah. I have also been a bit more moderate with my eating as well and even though my days of having 5 - 10 pound weekly loses may be gone I am happy to see the pounds are still diminishing. I am still steady with my exercise and water drinking, I try to take my thyroid medicine on a regular basis, I make sure that I drink PLENTY of water, and other than that I try to cut out as much stuff that I can but I allow myself one day a week to eat liberally but in moderation of course. I pray that all my fellow bloggers are doing well its been quiet around here lately.
take care

Trying to get there

2007-04-23T23:25:00.000-07:00

Today I weighed in at 287 pounds and I am very happy about that but sort of in a yucky mood about some other things, a dear sister of mine is going through a really rough patch in her life and I really feel bad for her because it could happen to any of us, so my prayers are with her and any other sisters that may be going through a rough time in their relationships. Men can be so dumb sometimes, but we feel so lost without them. Is this payback for Eve and that darn apple..... Anyway I really don't feel like typing much maybe I will add some more again later during the week. I never posted about what the doctor told me so I will try and stop in and do that before my next weigh in when I am in a better mood.

Why does being happy have to be so hard?????
see you later

So hard to get back on track!!!!!

2007-04-16T01:25:00.001-07:00

Today is the day that I decided enough was enough and we are half way through the day and so far so good. Why is it so hard to get back on track??? I was doing so good for so long and now it seems like it was harder to get motivated again. I actually found myself saying that I didn't care anymore, I will just be fat forever, but I know that's not what I want. I watched the biggest loser last night and I saw Matt win ( we are a few seasons behind here on middle east TV channels)I searched online and read that Matt and Suzy actually got married and had a child together ..how cute, match made in reality TV heaven LOL. Anyway back to be. I weighed in this morning 2 pounds heavier now at 291, only 9 pounds away from the place I vowed that I never wanted to see again. This is the turning point for me( I don't know how many times I said this) but I really WANT to mean it this time. I want to be less than 200 pounds and I know eating whatever I want isn't going to get me here, I want to lose 50 more pounds before the end of the summer, I want to feel good about myself, I want to look in the mirror and not be totally disgusted by what I see. I want to be a health fit fun mom , and be able to run around in the yard and play with my children. I want to be a hot sexy wife that can go in any store and buy a nice outfit and be able to find my size without searching for a store that has FAT people clothes, is this too much to ask for??? Am I being unreal??? Is this ever going to be my reality, I thought that I had crossed these hurdles in my mind before, how in the world did I get back here??? Well I cant look back, I have to move forward and I have to keep working, I cant give up. I am not a loser and I know I have the will in me to do this, I just need to ask God to give me more strength, I have to look at myself and figure out where I am going wrong, what am I doing to make this reality that I long for so difficult to achieve. I suppose I need to do some soul searching and get myself spiritually right so that the physical part will fall in sync, I don't know, I am willing to try anything. One thing I know for sure I want to see the scale move the other way and I don't want to have to starve myself to get there.
HERE's TO HOPE!!!!!!!

BUSY BUSY BUSY Week!!!

2007-04-09T16:10:00.000-07:00

Well mom is gone ( sniff sniff sniff), the kids have been royally spoiled and so did my eating habits , but this is a lifestyle change so when she left last night so did the little 9 day splurge and today its back to business. I have to un-spoil my children, as well as my stomach, I drank a lot of water to help my body flush out all the bagels and pastries and goodies that I indulged in while she was here. I must admit however that although I did sample A LOT I really didn't over do it and I maintained a constant level of activity and exercise so I am very proud to say that I am still 289 pounds, and what a relief, I just knew I was going to have to fight off sow extra pounds that I would pick up while she was here but that never happened Alhamdulillah ( All praise due to God).
I did go ahead and get my lab work done and not surprisingly my thyroid is WAY out of control, for anyone familiar with thyroid disorders my lab work was the following:
TSH 30.17 , T3 0.35 , T4 27.15 so I am hypothyroid for sure, the problem is finding a good doctor, my hubby thinks that I should just take the medicine for a while and then re do my lab work but I read up online and you can really mess your heart up when your thyroid is out of control and I really don't want to fool around on my own with how much medicine I should take. What do you think??? I know he means well but I let him talk me out of going to my regular dentist and now its cost me a tooth. Living outside of the US there are some things you just don't do and going to a doctor or dentist that someone you know didn't refer you to can be very costly and dangerous. Its so much easier to go to the labs pay and get the tests you need and then buy the medicine for it at any local pharmacy, you really can become your own doctor if you know what your doing but you can also make yourself very sick if you don't. Well I am going to try and find a doctor and at least hear what they have to say, it cant hurt anything and if they are just totally off the rocker then I will consider my own course of action starting with a low dose of my old meds and slowly increasing every 2-4 weeks until my lab work is back to normal at least that was the protocol that I found online. I think the whole reason why I am back here again is because before when I was taking my medicine regularly my old OB doctor tested me and when she found my levels were normal she told me to stop taking the medicine, something I probably should have ignored, Oh well....you live and you learn. I am hoping that my return to my lifestyle change, my walking, and now taking my thyroid medicine will get my weight moving in the right direction once again. I shall keep you posted.
Take care and hang in there......we can do it

No Pain No Gain

2007-04-02T23:29:00.000-07:00

Well this is going to be really really short because my mom is here for the week and I have been extremly busy. I have been walking and jogging a mile everyday on my treadmill and doing a little bit of aerobics with my dumb-bells. I eat samples of all my favorite food that she brought me ( still not eating any meat though) and the scale has not budged. Even though in the past the scale not moving would have spiraled me into a downhill depression I am ok because I think I am losing inches, for the first time in a LONG LONG LONG time I was walking and my legs were not rubbing eachother and my legs actually felt good, I know it sounds weird I cant really explain how but it just felt like I was in somebody elses legs, lol. My mom seems to be impressed with the progress that I made since her last visit and my sweet hubby has been telling me lots of encouraging words, so I am going to enjoy small portions of my favorite food stuffs and keep up the work outs. MAybe next week I will lose a pound or two but if I dont its no big deal I know I am eating good and I am excercising so even if its only my heart getting healthy I think its well worth it, I can go back into strict food choices next week when my mom is gone, but this is helping me realize that once I reach my target weight goal I really can return to eating what I want as long as I control my portions and continue to excercise, I am just elated that I am not gaining any weight so over all its been a very good week, and best of all my mom is here and we are having a great time. ok gotta run.
take care

Sorry I am late....

2007-03-27T22:32:00.000-07:00

Well I am a day late. No real reason except I wasn't in a hurry to post a big fat NOTHING. I am still 289 stinky pounds. I think I am taking it much better this time. I realize this is probably just my body's way of retaliation for my 10 pound one week loss..go figure. We have a "home gym" now so I have been walking on the treadmill at least a mile everyday and still trying to do some aerobic here and there and still doing my normal cleaning routine ( I did cut back on the cleaning a bit). I am not sure what exactly my problem is I am taking my vitamins, taking my iron pills, but I am just exhausted all the time, I think this may be my thyroid problem rearing its VERY UGLY head so I am going to try and get to the doctor this week and get some lab work done to try and get to the bottom of why I am feeling this slum. Its very frustrating when you have so many things that you want to do but physically you just cant seem to get it done. On top of everything else my period should be here in a few days so of course my hormones are all of whack I want to eat everything in sight. I really feel like this battle is so unfair at times. I am not a monster eating everything in sight, why cant I just eat like a normal person and exercise and lose weight, why is it such a struggle, why do I have to love food so much, why is it so hard to just lose this darn weight??? I am in no way giving up but I just feel at times that its hopeless. Will I be fat forever?? Is being under 200 pounds just not within reason for me?? Am I setting myself up for failure?? Should I just change my thinking and accept this fat body as my reality??? Well don't look for any miracles from me for the next two weeks, my mom will be here in a few days God-willing, and although I am soooo happy she is coming to see us and I miss her so much and I am looking forward to her visit, eating is a big part of her visits here, she always brings all the NY, American and the Guyanese favorites and I know I will over indulge because its foods that I have not had access to in the 4 years that we have been outside of America. So needless to say my chances for any loss is zero to none. Should I even bother weighing myself in the next two weeks. I will be devastated if I go back over 300 pounds but I know that I probably wont be losing anything at all. WHAT SHOULD I DO??? My mom is over weight as well and we could probably both do without all the goodies that she is bringing, I don't want to make her visit rough by restricting food, cause i know that will just make the both of us super cranky and I don't want our visit to be stressful, I don't know when she will get to come back again. Well I promise to keep blogging but as far as getting on the scale , we will just have to see about that one.

Is this what starvation feels like???????

2007-03-21T09:55:00.000-07:00

So pleased with Mondays weigh in I convinced myself that I could live on an apple, an orange, a cucumber and a carrot and 5 liters of water a day......Needless to say I feel like ___________. you can fill in the blank. I think this is what starvation feels like. I cant focus on anything, when I bend over to pray I feel like I am going to collapse. I have a constant headache, I feel like I will throw up at any second, I feel like I was in a car wreck and I am catching the flu all at the same time. This isn't how I want to lose weight. I dint even have the energy to get my housework done and I certainly haven't done any exercise in the past 2 days. THIS ISN'T WORKING!!!! sooooo back to what was working for me 2 weeks ago I was having a yogurt for breakfast and sometimes a piece of fruit, then an apple or some other fruit or a cucumber for lunch, then a huge salad with this crunchy fried flat bread as a topping and olive oil and lemon dressing( they call this fatoush here in UAE) then as a snack in the evening I would have some bran cereal or a weight watchers snack or a piece of fruit or a small piece of dessert if I baked cake or something like that. Along with drinking my water this diet gave me lots of energy to exercise everyday and I was losing 4-5 pounds a week, i felt good unlike whats happening to me right now, so I ordered a fatoush( salad) and I am going to eat that tonight and some bran cereal and tomorrow I will go buy my yogurts and I am going back to what was working for me before I lost my mind. Please don't try what I did this past week and a half it was dumb and desperate and yes I lost 10 pounds but I am feeling horrible now and there is no way I could keep this up. Tomorrow is pizza day for the kids I am going to have my normal Thursday pizza treat and then back to my routine, See you on Monday when we see how this all ends up.
Its not ALL hopeless!!!!

Back On Track

2007-03-19T11:54:00.000-07:00

Today was the big day, I knew I would be happy with the results I just wasn't sure how happy. This week I didn't order any take out salads at all and I only ate half of the pizza that I normally eat, no sweets , no rice crispy treats and I made the pizza dough with whole wheat flour and I made the pizza sauce from scratch as well, and it paid off........10 POUNDS IN ONE WEEK!!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOO, of course I felt the need to celebrate and I had a very small bowl of the food that I cooked for my family tonight, beef and broccoli, one of my favorites, and I could have kicked myself after, as a punishment I wont be having any pizza this Thursday [maybe], I don't even know if I am going to cook pizza for them because it will be very hard for me to cook it and not eat at least a slice. GRHHHHHH!!!!! So now I am 289 pounds. I am very excited but in the back of my mind there is an evil voice whispering to me saying "what the heck are you all happy about you weighed less than that when you got pregnant with Ameera( she is my 6 month old)....so although I have really accomplished ALOT in the last few months I only lost the weight that I put on in the last year, I have to reverse the weight back to 1993, LOL. WILL I EVER GET THERE????? Time is not on my side, every time dh and I do the baby dance (wink wink) there is a chance that I will be headed for 9 months of weight gain. Ironically the more weight I lose the more my libido is going through the roof, I have to restrain....OOOOKKKKK don't want to turn this into an "XXX" blog, I think you get the picture. Well I had my celebration dinner tonight, back on track and back to the rabbit food for me, or else I will be crying and moping if the scale disappoints me next week. I am also trying to tell myself often that 10 pounds in one week is probably because the week before the scale didn't budge at all so DO NOT be disappointed if I never have a 10 pound loss week again, those were not my typical results. I will be more than happy to see my normal 5 pound loss.

SPECIAL THANK YOU !!!!! to my fellow blogger "living life...." you really encouraged me last week when I was feeling down in the dumps about having a bad week, thanks for being there for me, I pray that I can be there for you as well. Don't feel bad about the cookies just punish yourself to an extra session on your machine to burn up some of the calories........I probably shouldn't be telling you this but we have a crispy cream doughnuts here in UAE now ...great just what I need another temptation, good thing its not close to my house smiles)I hear they are only 200 calories each maybe you and I can go find it together and eat a few then fast and excercise for the rest of the day to celebrate .LOL just kidding

Really Bad Week!!!

2007-03-12T23:40:00.000-07:00

I am not really in much of a typing mood but I said I wanted to be dedicated to my blog, and my weight loss journey, the good the bad and the ugly of it all. So here goes, this week I am still 299 not a pound more nor a pound less, I can blame PMS but the PMS didn't put a gun to my head and force me to eat rice crispy treats 3 nights last week, and pizza 2 nights last week, so the only one I can blame for the numbers on the scale this week is me. I really dreaded getting on that scale this morning, and I checked all day to see if it would go down if only by 1 pound.........but nope ....its still exactly the same. Well this is sure a motivation for me I pray I never have another week like this again, you can be sure that next month when my period comes my kids wont be having any sweets for that week, at least not by my hands, and I will be sure that my cabinets are PMS-proof and there is nothing that will be in here to tempt me. Who knew that your period could make you feel so weak, normally I can talk myself out of eating just about anything, but this past week it seems like I was talking myself into eating and not exercising.......lesson learned, Until next week, I will be praying that the scale has better news for me next Monday and working my tail off a bit harder.
cant go back and make last week better,but here's to moving fwd.
take care

Can I change the title of my blog

2007-03-05T22:51:00.000-08:00

Well better yet I think I will keep it there as a constant reminder of the place I was and a constant prayer that I NEVER get back there again. This morning it felt soooooo good to step on the scale and know that I made it back into the 200's (barely). My weight as of this morning is now 299, I worked really hard last week I wanted to be under 300 today and with the help of Allah I made it there. BUT......PMS is kicking in and last night I ate one too many rice crispy treats that I made for my family, and tonight instead of my normal apple and carrots my family wanted banana pudding, I did good though , rather than indulge in the hearty bowls that they all ate, I had about 1/4 of a banana, about 6-8 small cookies and 4 spoons of pudding, even though this wasn't much at all and probably only amounted to a few hundred calories I feel horrible that I caved. I know we all have bad days but I felt so weak, my period is due any day now so I think its the hormones because my sweet cravings are horrible but I am fighting it off every second. I feel like I slipped but I am going to give myself a stern look in the mirror in my undies I think that will help me get it back in gear. To try and counter the rice crispy treats yesterday I jumped a bit of rope before I went to bed I think I will do the same tonight and then workout a little harder tomorrow, it just seems like when this time of the month comes around my energy just plumits, but I cant let myself slip again, 2 nights of weakness was enough time to get back on track. I will try and update again this week before the big weigh in on Monday if I can. May God be with you all that are going thru this as I am. It feels so bad to slip but I know whats more important is that I get back on the ball. I must say this is the longest that I have stuck it out with one diet.. better yet this is a life change for me , not just a diet so I want to make this for keeps.

take care

The numbers are looking good!!!

2007-02-26T20:49:00.000-08:00

AlLAHU AKBAR!!!! Today was the weigh in and I am now 305 pounds mashaAllah. It feels so good to see that number small. I am praying that by next week I can say goodbye to the 300 zone FOREVER!!!!! This was a pretty easy week, no big changes I eat my large meal about 3 everyday which is a large salad( fatoush they call it here) and for breakfast I have been having this new Activa yogurt they say give it 14 days and it will make your digestive system regular( I have trouble with constipation...sorry to mention it) I have been taking it for 5 days now, its very expensive though it costs 15 dirhams for a pack of 4 where the regular yogurt is about 380 for a 4 pack so there is a big difference but lets see if it works, I drink tons of water during the day, I followed the advice of half my weight in ounces , so I try and drink about 150 ounces of water a day. In addition to my salad and yogurt I also eat an apple and half a carrot, and for a snack I crunch on cereal, so far so good. oh and on the weekends I have homemade pizza or maybe I bake a cake and have a small slice, I give myself a little freedom on the weekends maybe some popcorn or something else as a reward but then as Monday gets closer I put a little more emphasis in my workouts trying to drop as much weight as I can before my weigh in ,lol. So that's been my diet plan for the last few weeks. So like the old cliche goes "If it aint broke don't fix it" so until the scale says this aint working this will be my plan of action. Its become really easy alhamdulillah. I would like to post more often, but my laptop is broken right now so I cant get online as often as I would like, but you know for sure I will be here next Monday, InshaAllah.

Big Steps In The Right Direction

2007-02-21T18:52:00.000-08:00

Today was a VERY big accomplishment for me mashaAllah. 3 of my children has a field trip with their school to the arcade at the mall and after they ate in the food court. I wanted to take my 3 youngest along so they can get out and have some fun besides ( the most they do is ride in the car to drop off and pick up their siblings from school). I debated with myself about going, I didn't want to be in that food court around all the good smells and the sweets and ice cream yadda yadda yadda, But I also didn't think it was fair to make my kids suffer because I am restricting my food intake. So off we went, and what do you know as I get there the kids are all sitting in the food court being handed their happy-meals which didn't make me happy at all, my little ones faces just lit up as they looked up at me like ok where is our happy meal, off to the McDonald's to get them there kids meals , and although I don't eat meat they had a garden salad and a pineapple custard pie that looked rather inviting, but I stood firm and only ordered for them, I did cave and I had a childs size diet coke, I thought U had given up on diet sodas but I fell weak to that. But mashaAllah I was able to sit at the table as my children ate and I snacked on 5 or 6 fries that my one year old thought he should throw across the table and that was it, I didn't binge and eat anything that I shouldn't have and it felt really good after that I was able to remain in control and pass up all of my favorite eating spots. I think this was a sign for me that I can do anything that I put my mind to , and I have to put food in its place. I was so motivated I went into carrefour after and tried to by an exercise video and a stepper , neither of which they had but I plan on looking elsewhere inshaAllah.
I am looking forward to this Monday I have been alot more strict this week with my carb intake, inshaAllah it will pay off.

First Weigh In!!!!!

2007-02-19T10:42:00.000-08:00

Well as promised I weighed myself today and mu current weight is 140.5 kilos which is 310 pounds, so thats means I am down 4 pounds from last Monday. HORAYYYY!!!!!!! Four pounds closer to my new self. The weekend is over thank God. Weekends are rough, I mean its nice to have everyone home and all but it really interfears with my routine. And the all day eating of the children and my hubby dont help either. This past weekend I had a few rice crispie treats as a treat to myself, but this week I said I want to really buckle down and see if I can lose more than 4 pounds by next monday if I really limit the carb intake, also I set a time of 7:30pm as a cut off and I only alow myself to eat before that time. Yesterday went really well, everytime I thought about snacking after that time I just chugged down some water. I also have not had a diet coke in a few days, I read that the sweetner in diet sodas can actually cause you to crave fatty foods,hummm, who knew ???? So this week I am really trying to limit myself to salads and the bran cereal that I snack on. We will see if it pays off next monday. I really would like to blog more often but finding time just isnt that easy these days. I would also like to do a bit more cardio excercise but I need a cd or something to follow.
I will share a few websites that I have been using to help look up things about weight loss maybe they will be of some help to you as well.
http://www.weightlossforgood.co.uk/nutrition/nutrition.htm
http://familydoctor.org/788.xml#4
http://www.fatfree.com/diets/mcdougall.html

the last one is really interesting but a bit too restrictive for me, as long as what I am doing keeps working I will stay on that track because its easy for me.

Here I am!!!!

2007-02-15T05:47:00.001-08:00

Well as if the title of my blog doesnt already say it , I am 30 years old and I weigh over 300 pounds, not much over but too darn much for me. How did I get here, well in short I have been happily married( with lots of bumps and bruises) for 14 years in which time I have birthed 9 beautiful children............but in all that time of being a pregnant/breast feeding mom I never stopped to see what was really happening to my body and in 15 years I blossomed from a nice healthy size of 160 pounds to a now unrecognizable 314 pounds. My goal is to return to that 160 pound bombshell that I was ( if i dont say so myself..hahahahaha) with the aid of my lord inshaAllah........You have to know that I wasnt always this big after every baby I would try one fad diet or another to try and recover my body , but always after about a 40 pound loss I would get pregnant again only to gain back 60. Can someone tell me how a 314 pound woman can give birth to a 6 pound baby and the next week she still weighs 314 pounds well I am here to tell you its very possible and all to real to me.
Should I end this post now or do I keep typing, hey what the heck I am on a roll now.
I think its only fair that I mention I have some medical issues that may have contributed to this , I was diagnosed with having hypothyroidism after my fourth child which explains why I need only look at food to gain weight. I am still at a loss how it went undiagnosed for so long but my doctor at the time seemed to think that I had been suffering from it for a long time thats why I would never shed my pregnancy pounds. Who knows but I am trying to shed them now.
This time I am trying a different approach... I have stopped eating all meats, including chicken , fish, beef, ect ect ect, and I eat very few carbs I mostly eat salad and sometimes raw or cooked veggies. I did stop drinking soda all together but I have now become obbssesed with diet coke again grhhhhhhh.
I dont any eat sweets like I used to, what I do now is I calculate the calories of everything and I only alow myself to eat 100 calories of any food, like I made this slammin bannana bread and rather than eat the biggest slice I could fit on a plate like I normally would I only ate a bite a small bite, I am sure that bite had to have been less than 100 calories. In addition to this I drink at least 3 liters of water everyday, I have trouble with constipation( like I dont go for days) so I started drinking 1 or 2 cups of diet tea a day and that is helping keep me regular. I have also become a housework fanatic, I put my mp3 player in my ears and I clean like my house was about to be inspected by the ministry of health( If you live in the UAE you know everything is a ministry,lol in america we would call it the health dept.) and I dance and clean dance and clean for hours, and you know with 9 kids its easy to spend the day cleaning and I mean that literally , I dance and cook, I dance and clean I dance thru the house all day long, I know my kids must think I am nuts but hey I have got to get this done before I am knocked up again. In addition to the dancing I do some cardio workouts I use my excercise ball, I walk sometimes, I do tons of crunches daily and I plan on getting a stepper this weekend.
I was driving myself crazy getting on the scale once and sometimes two or three times a day but I promised myslef that I would cut that back to once a week, its too stressfull when you know you worked extra hard and then you get on the scale and its up a kilo( I couldnt find a scale with pounds at carrefour). So my new routine is I watch the biggest loser on sunday for motivation and I get on the scale on monday mornings. I started out at 320 pounds and I am now down to 314 as of last monday so I will be sure to let you know how things are going this monday.
Was it hard to not eat meat, no way, surprisingly I dont miss it at all. I was alwasys a sweets junkie anyway that is my weakness. Ok well its time to go boogie(clean). This has been really theraputic there is so much I want to say to sort of play catch up I will take it little by little I dont want to blog-overload if thats possible. Well if you made it thru this far your good, thanks for stopping by..............( who the ____ am I talking to,lol) .