Sorry I am late....

Well I am a day late. No real reason except I wasn't in a hurry to post a big fat NOTHING. I am still 289 stinky pounds. I think I am taking it much better this time. I realize this is probably just my body's way of retaliation for my 10 pound one week loss..go figure. We have a "home gym" now so I have been walking on the treadmill at least a mile everyday and still trying to do some aerobic here and there and still doing my normal cleaning routine ( I did cut back on the cleaning a bit). I am not sure what exactly my problem is I am taking my vitamins, taking my iron pills, but I am just exhausted all the time, I think this may be my thyroid problem rearing its VERY UGLY head so I am going to try and get to the doctor this week and get some lab work done to try and get to the bottom of why I am feeling this slum. Its very frustrating when you have so many things that you want to do but physically you just cant seem to get it done. On top of everything else my period should be here in a few days so of course my hormones are all of whack I want to eat everything in sight. I really feel like this battle is so unfair at times. I am not a monster eating everything in sight, why cant I just eat like a normal person and exercise and lose weight, why is it such a struggle, why do I have to love food so much, why is it so hard to just lose this darn weight??? I am in no way giving up but I just feel at times that its hopeless. Will I be fat forever?? Is being under 200 pounds just not within reason for me?? Am I setting myself up for failure?? Should I just change my thinking and accept this fat body as my reality??? Well don't look for any miracles from me for the next two weeks, my mom will be here in a few days God-willing, and although I am soooo happy she is coming to see us and I miss her so much and I am looking forward to her visit, eating is a big part of her visits here, she always brings all the NY, American and the Guyanese favorites and I know I will over indulge because its foods that I have not had access to in the 4 years that we have been outside of America. So needless to say my chances for any loss is zero to none. Should I even bother weighing myself in the next two weeks. I will be devastated if I go back over 300 pounds but I know that I probably wont be losing anything at all. WHAT SHOULD I DO??? My mom is over weight as well and we could probably both do without all the goodies that she is bringing, I don't want to make her visit rough by restricting food, cause i know that will just make the both of us super cranky and I don't want our visit to be stressful, I don't know when she will get to come back again. Well I promise to keep blogging but as far as getting on the scale , we will just have to see about that one.

Is this what starvation feels like???????

So pleased with Mondays weigh in I convinced myself that I could live on an apple, an orange, a cucumber and a carrot and 5 liters of water a day......Needless to say I feel like ___________. you can fill in the blank. I think this is what starvation feels like. I cant focus on anything, when I bend over to pray I feel like I am going to collapse. I have a constant headache, I feel like I will throw up at any second, I feel like I was in a car wreck and I am catching the flu all at the same time. This isn't how I want to lose weight. I dint even have the energy to get my housework done and I certainly haven't done any exercise in the past 2 days. THIS ISN'T WORKING!!!! sooooo back to what was working for me 2 weeks ago I was having a yogurt for breakfast and sometimes a piece of fruit, then an apple or some other fruit or a cucumber for lunch, then a huge salad with this crunchy fried flat bread as a topping and olive oil and lemon dressing( they call this fatoush here in UAE) then as a snack in the evening I would have some bran cereal or a weight watchers snack or a piece of fruit or a small piece of dessert if I baked cake or something like that. Along with drinking my water this diet gave me lots of energy to exercise everyday and I was losing 4-5 pounds a week, i felt good unlike whats happening to me right now, so I ordered a fatoush( salad) and I am going to eat that tonight and some bran cereal and tomorrow I will go buy my yogurts and I am going back to what was working for me before I lost my mind. Please don't try what I did this past week and a half it was dumb and desperate and yes I lost 10 pounds but I am feeling horrible now and there is no way I could keep this up. Tomorrow is pizza day for the kids I am going to have my normal Thursday pizza treat and then back to my routine, See you on Monday when we see how this all ends up.
Its not ALL hopeless!!!!

Back On Track

Today was the big day, I knew I would be happy with the results I just wasn't sure how happy. This week I didn't order any take out salads at all and I only ate half of the pizza that I normally eat, no sweets , no rice crispy treats and I made the pizza dough with whole wheat flour and I made the pizza sauce from scratch as well, and it paid off........10 POUNDS IN ONE WEEK!!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOO, of course I felt the need to celebrate and I had a very small bowl of the food that I cooked for my family tonight, beef and broccoli, one of my favorites, and I could have kicked myself after, as a punishment I wont be having any pizza this Thursday [maybe], I don't even know if I am going to cook pizza for them because it will be very hard for me to cook it and not eat at least a slice. GRHHHHHH!!!!! So now I am 289 pounds. I am very excited but in the back of my mind there is an evil voice whispering to me saying "what the heck are you all happy about you weighed less than that when you got pregnant with Ameera( she is my 6 month old)....so although I have really accomplished ALOT in the last few months I only lost the weight that I put on in the last year, I have to reverse the weight back to 1993, LOL. WILL I EVER GET THERE????? Time is not on my side, every time dh and I do the baby dance (wink wink) there is a chance that I will be headed for 9 months of weight gain. Ironically the more weight I lose the more my libido is going through the roof, I have to restrain....OOOOKKKKK don't want to turn this into an "XXX" blog, I think you get the picture. Well I had my celebration dinner tonight, back on track and back to the rabbit food for me, or else I will be crying and moping if the scale disappoints me next week. I am also trying to tell myself often that 10 pounds in one week is probably because the week before the scale didn't budge at all so DO NOT be disappointed if I never have a 10 pound loss week again, those were not my typical results. I will be more than happy to see my normal 5 pound loss.

SPECIAL THANK YOU !!!!! to my fellow blogger "living life...." you really encouraged me last week when I was feeling down in the dumps about having a bad week, thanks for being there for me, I pray that I can be there for you as well. Don't feel bad about the cookies just punish yourself to an extra session on your machine to burn up some of the calories........I probably shouldn't be telling you this but we have a crispy cream doughnuts here in UAE now ...great just what I need another temptation, good thing its not close to my house smiles)I hear they are only 200 calories each maybe you and I can go find it together and eat a few then fast and excercise for the rest of the day to celebrate .LOL just kidding

Really Bad Week!!!

I am not really in much of a typing mood but I said I wanted to be dedicated to my blog, and my weight loss journey, the good the bad and the ugly of it all. So here goes, this week I am still 299 not a pound more nor a pound less, I can blame PMS but the PMS didn't put a gun to my head and force me to eat rice crispy treats 3 nights last week, and pizza 2 nights last week, so the only one I can blame for the numbers on the scale this week is me. I really dreaded getting on that scale this morning, and I checked all day to see if it would go down if only by 1 pound.........but nope ....its still exactly the same. Well this is sure a motivation for me I pray I never have another week like this again, you can be sure that next month when my period comes my kids wont be having any sweets for that week, at least not by my hands, and I will be sure that my cabinets are PMS-proof and there is nothing that will be in here to tempt me. Who knew that your period could make you feel so weak, normally I can talk myself out of eating just about anything, but this past week it seems like I was talking myself into eating and not exercising.......lesson learned, Until next week, I will be praying that the scale has better news for me next Monday and working my tail off a bit harder.
cant go back and make last week better,but here's to moving fwd.
take care

Can I change the title of my blog

Well better yet I think I will keep it there as a constant reminder of the place I was and a constant prayer that I NEVER get back there again. This morning it felt soooooo good to step on the scale and know that I made it back into the 200's (barely). My weight as of this morning is now 299, I worked really hard last week I wanted to be under 300 today and with the help of Allah I made it there. BUT......PMS is kicking in and last night I ate one too many rice crispy treats that I made for my family, and tonight instead of my normal apple and carrots my family wanted banana pudding, I did good though , rather than indulge in the hearty bowls that they all ate, I had about 1/4 of a banana, about 6-8 small cookies and 4 spoons of pudding, even though this wasn't much at all and probably only amounted to a few hundred calories I feel horrible that I caved. I know we all have bad days but I felt so weak, my period is due any day now so I think its the hormones because my sweet cravings are horrible but I am fighting it off every second. I feel like I slipped but I am going to give myself a stern look in the mirror in my undies I think that will help me get it back in gear. To try and counter the rice crispy treats yesterday I jumped a bit of rope before I went to bed I think I will do the same tonight and then workout a little harder tomorrow, it just seems like when this time of the month comes around my energy just plumits, but I cant let myself slip again, 2 nights of weakness was enough time to get back on track. I will try and update again this week before the big weigh in on Monday if I can. May God be with you all that are going thru this as I am. It feels so bad to slip but I know whats more important is that I get back on the ball. I must say this is the longest that I have stuck it out with one diet.. better yet this is a life change for me , not just a diet so I want to make this for keeps.

take care